Yay! It’s one of the most exciting nights of your life. He’s down on one knee, there’s soft music playing in the background, everything is candle lit and the way he’s looking at you is like something out of a Nicholas Sparks movie. He reaches for his pocket, pulls out a velvet box and pops it open and…GASP! Everything goes blurry. You hear him say words but can’t concentrate on anything but the ring. It’s…hideous. Okay, maybe not hideous but it’s definitely not what you wanted. What now? Do you say something right away? Do you pretend you love it? Do you say nothing and just hope it grows on you? While there’s no right way to solve this dilemma (it’s more common than you’d think), we can give you a few pointers.
1. Wait a bit.
Chances are your SO has put a lot of time, effort and heart this proposal. If you can help it, just try to enjoy the moment. Who knows, the sentiment may outweigh the aesthetics of it, especially if it’s a family heirloom.
2. Find out logistically if returning the ring is an option.
Since an engagement ring is typically a well thought-out, often obsessed over purchase, chances are your SO already knows the jewelers return policy.
3. It’s okay to not like it.
But it’s not ok to be a jerk about it. Honesty is always the best policy but remember to be sensitive to your partner’s feelings. Saying something like it’s just not really “you” shows more compassion than insulting the ring or worse, your new fiancé.
Everyone knows compromise is key to a lasting relationship, so this shouldn’t come as a surprise. Taking a collaborative approach to modifying the ring could turn into a fun activity. You might be able to do things like swap out the band, add a side stone or two, switch out the stone and more.
5. Avoid the problem all together by dropping major hints about what you want.
And by dropping hints we mean literally show him the ring you want. Or, get what you want but keep it a surprise by building a secret registry on Sparkly.